Regularly Irregular

End of multiple chapters

pandru — Fri, 25 Mar 2011 05:00:56 +0000

If you haven’t noticed by now, I’ve moved to tumblr. Not sure what i want to do with this blog. Don’t want to get rid of it so i’ll guess i’ll just sleep on it. Ugh why did i give up tumblr for lent!!!!???? I’m so stupid. -_-;

Night,

~ P

Because Superman Can’t Fly

pandru — Thu, 06 Jan 2011 05:08:25 +0000

As i grow up and become more independent, I become more self-absorbed – more concerned about my life, my goals, my relationships, my desires. etc. But having being able to sit down and really have a conversation with my parents once again, I can see the age slowly creeping on their faces. The sleepy eyes, the tired body, the waning resolve. Seeing old pictures of me and my parents on the wall in the family room, who used to be so full of life, I wonder what I could do now to relieve them of life’s hardships. Sadly the truth is, I still can’t do anything.

I’m not quite sure why, but seeing life’s toll on my parents, it makes me want to work harder and quicker so that I can get to a point where I can finally relieve them of having to care. Maybe finally buy them a house at some beach somewhere so they can just do nothing and be carefree. It’s their turn to do nothing and be carefree, something I’ve been so grateful for. Yet, the hard truth is that I might not be able to do that. It makes me angry at myself and a little sad inside that my entire life may just to take from my parents. And it makes me so angry at them that they are so happy to let me do so. I feel like i am using my parents to get where I want to be but they fully welcome it with open arms. I should be grateful but instead I am angry instead. Why are they doing that? Why don’t they just stop caring and be healthy, than worry about little ole me. Why do they care about giving me opportunities that they themselves never had? In retrospect, perhaps I am just afraid of failure. I’m afraid that they are investing so much in me, financially, emotionally, and time-wise, that if I fail….

They are fools to give up so much for me. Stupid, stupid fools….

~ P

I’m that man on the moon

pandru — Mon, 06 Dec 2010 00:02:23 +0000

I think I’m on my way to a pretty damn decent life. A family I absolutely love and adore and wouldn’t trade for the world. Lifelong friends. Dream career in my hopefully dream location. Audi S5 in my sights. My life is starting to take off. What can I say, I’ve always been a late bloomer. And a little lucky

~ P, enjoying the little things.

pandru — Sun, 21 Nov 2010 16:14:38 +0000

“Life’s all about the journey, not the destination”. I suppose most people would agree that to be true; the experience is what makes the end worthwhile. But didn’t you ever want to kick Michael J. Fox’s scrawny behind, steal The Delorean, accelerate to 88mph and zip 10 or 15 years ahead to seek a glimpse of your future? I do.

I assume most people would want to to see if they are successful or rich or has a bangin’ hot wife or that sonuvabitch jock that picked on you in high school is now working under you holding on to his toupee, while he runs to get your morning coffee, or that sort. Sure that would all be fun and dandy, and I’m curious about that too. Yet, I feel the future aspect I am most curious about is whether or not I am happy with where I am – Whether or not I still hold true to myself. I don’t know. One can only hope for the best. But occasionally, hoping just doesn’t quite cut it.

~ P

Camaraderie, or lack of.

pandru — Sun, 17 Oct 2010 04:01:55 +0000

sigh I don’t really like my class. I feel like my class is really uptight – even the professors agree so. I don’t feel the camaraderie among my classmates like I see with the 2nd, 3rd and even 4th years. All the silliness and goofiness they have with each other. I see all the pictures of my friends in their respective optometry/medical/etc school and their entire class would all go out together and do stuff. Everyone seems to be so serious and gunning for that 4.0 GPA rather than making the most out of the easiest semester to get to know each other. Such a shame. I envy all the c/o 201X that is not mines. SIGH. I hope things change soon.

~ P

On my way to owning my own house.

pandru — Wed, 01 Sep 2010 01:42:22 +0000

I never had an apart mate before so it shouldn’t be surprising that I might be a noob when it comes to apt mate relations. Being a little observant over the past couple weeks, it has been made obvious to me that managing people is not easy. When I say ‘managing people’, I don’t mean like tell them what to do, etc. but rather how to approach a situation and make a situation fair to everyone, while keep everyone happy. Needless to say, I am a paragon of people management. /sarcasm off. But I do try my best and the results have been good so far. To make a long story really short, my roommate and I had somewhat of a dilemma regarding previously agreed upon terms. I’ve could’ve been the douche and played the ‘but you agreed before’ card even though my conscious knew of my partiality. But compromise is what baby jesus would do. It’s kinda amazing how swift progress can be achieved when things are brought up and talked about rather than passively shruging it off and pretend everything is okay.

On another note, it’s kinda interesting to observe the extent of our relationship. During school hours, we’re like how buddies are. Always hanging out, talking during the drive to school, bashing on each other – He is the Ted to me Barney . But as soon as we get home, we go to our respective rooms, close the door and barely interact with each other. I always thought it was a little strange, yet perhaps it is better this way. Friends outside the apt, roommates inside the apt. Roommates respect each other more than those whom you are friends and living with you. Sad but true. Not like I know first hand, but just wisdom i gathered from my brothers and friends.

~ P

“You don’t need a plan-B, because then plan-B distracts from plan-A”

TGIF has never rang so true – and school hasn’t even started yet.

pandru — Sun, 29 Aug 2010 04:45:33 +0000

I have a feeling this blog will slowly inevitably transition into my experience in dschool since my life will be entwined in it. BUT i will try my best to minimize that.

The two orientation days has been…interesting to say the least. Lots of presentations about ethics, a HIPPA presentation where i kinda fell asleep (so bad, already falling asleep in class) and meeting lots of my new classmates. We’re stuck with each other whether we like it or not so might as well like it, right? Gotta have the right attitude at all times. But all of orientation wasn’t all sleep-inducing rather some of it were rather eye-opening. Everything I learn now, I will NEED to know. Not just know but know WELL. We are suppose to be the experts of our field. When people ask a questions regarding teeth, we are the ones able to answer them. If we future dentist can’t, probably no one can.

Old study habits I had in college cannot come with me to dschool – habits where I just memorized information for a few days to own my midterm then forget. This particular path I’ve taken will bestow knowledge that I will need to know for my career and to treat patients. TREAT PATIENTS..holy shit Ima treat patients -_-. They will be relying on me to help them out. 2 years to learn what i need to learn to be able to treat patients. Is two years really enough? Ima pee my pants on that first day of clinic =x

I opened a box with about 6500 dollars worth of materials. 210 items. I looked at them all and I thought to myself, “Oh what the eff did i just get myself into. I’m going to be horrible dentist.” I’m pretty intimidated and I hope i get over it soon when I get into the rhythm of things. I feel so young and naive still. I’ve lost a little of the self-confidence I had leaving college. Admissions picked me because they feel I can get through it. But I have some self-doubt and nervousness right now. Downright fear it feels like and I really don’t like the way I am feeling right now. I hope these are just pre-dschool jitters and I really hopeeeee they go away soon.

We had to write our goals down for specific timelines as part of an exercise. I’ll write them here so I’ll see how close I get to them lol.

2-4 week: I want to stay on top of my studies rather than play catch up. I can achieve this by reading the material before lecture and reading it again after lecture.

1 year: I want to be able to say I am doing the best I can and make it to 2nd year (the death year). I want to achieve high marks in all my lab portion of dentistry. I can do this by putting in the necessary effort to master the techniques even if it requires staying after lab to master them.

5 years: I want to work be working as an associate for a private office. I should be having plans for buying my own practice.

10 years: PAID OFF LOANS AND HAVE HELICOPTER AND PET PANDA.

~ P

Enjoy the little things.

pandru — Fri, 20 Aug 2010 07:21:41 +0000

I feel like people don’t appreciate the little things anymore. It is as if the little things are most prone to be taken for granted because they are so small. People forget that a bunch of little things is actually a big thing. Because of this minor albeit unfortunate issue, I sometimes don’t want to keep doing the little things for people anymore because I feel people don’t give a shit. But I don’t want my actions to be perceived as merely searching for recognition.

It doesn’t matter – I doubt I will stop doing the little things for people even though I want to stop. It’s just my nature and there’s no sense in fighting nature I suppose. Yet, it would be nice to get some little things done for me in return. Ironically though, perhaps I am missing the little things people are doing for me. NAHHHHHHHHHHHHH

~ P

the 22nd season of the hit tv show called ‘life’ begins soon

pandru — Wed, 11 Aug 2010 07:01:31 +0000

it’s getting closer and closer to the start of dschool and I grow increasingly more apprehensive. But what is it that I am so fearful of exactly? is it the workload? Is it because I can no longer bring the lifestyle I’m so accustomed to, aka sleep all day – starcraft all night? Man that’s gonna be difficulttttt lawlz.

I can only garner a guess to why I am so apprehensive. Despite all my doubts and wavering conviction, I think I am finally ready to start this new episode of my life. Like undergrad, four years is gonna fly by. It still somewhat blows my mind that when I graduate dschool (assuming i graduate lol), I’ll be 25 years and 10 months old. My mother will be 47(?), my dad 50 something, my niece 12 and almost all of my cousins will be in or graduated high school. Do i really want to spend another 3 years of my short life to pursue a specialty? As of right now, my answer is no. But things hardly go as planned in life. I wonder which of my friends will be the first to get married? I have my guesses. I’m just really looking forward to 10 courses of wedding food.

Shiet look at me. I’m so old now. 22 years might’ve just went by in what seems like a blink of an eye, but things still haven’t changed really for me. Just this afternoon, i was watching Sponge bob Squarepants on tv while eating a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. The most grown up thing I did today was kill a spider for my 6’4” brother because he’s a pansy. I guess you can’t take the kid outta me just quite yet. And I wouldn’t have it any other way.

I'm on the wrong coast. I miss SD.

I wonder what the world would be like
If we all just got along
There would be more happy songs
We’d be dancing all day long
I wonder if you talked to me
Would you see a better man?
I sure hope that’s what you’d do
Cause I would see a better you

Faded Paper Figures – North By North

pandru — Tue, 03 Aug 2010 15:18:54 +0000

I’ve been listening to this song a lot lately. My friend, Cindy, introduced it to me. It’s like a blend between owl city and death cab.

If i ever have children, they are screweddd. You know how a lot of kids’ parents pay for their school tuition and graduate school pretty much debt free? So considerate, right? Well SCREW THAT! You’re gonna learn life the hard way I did by taking out loans, loans and more loans. Interest, interest and more interest! Maybe then you’ll learn how to manage your finances, pay bills on time and obtain a really good credit score so you can buy shit at low interest rates later on. Your tuition money is gonna go toward my gnome and random lawn ornaments collection.

~ P

You said a long long time ago
you were happy being someone
Let’s go far far far from home
I’ll be glad to be with someone